What Not To Say During Labour: A Birth Partner's Guide

Most birth partners want to be as supportive as possible during labour.

But if you're preparing for birth, you may secretly be wondering:

"What if I say the wrong thing?"

The good news is that you don't need to have all the right words.

In fact, some of the most supportive things a birth partner can do have very little to do with talking at all.

However, there are a few phrases that are best avoided during labour.

"Are You Sure You're In Labour?"

Even if labour appears to be progressing slowly, questioning whether someone is really in labour can feel dismissive.

Instead try:

"You're doing brilliantly."

"I'm here with you."

"Let's take one contraction at a time."

"Just Relax"

This is often said with good intentions.

The problem is that when someone is experiencing intense sensations, being told to "just relax" can feel frustrating.

Instead try:

"Breathe with me."

"You're safe."

"Let's focus on this contraction together."

"How Much Longer Is This Going To Take?"

Labour doesn't follow a strict timetable.

Comments about time can unintentionally increase pressure and anxiety.

Instead focus on helping your partner stay present.

Encourage them to take labour one contraction at a time.

"You Need To Calm Down"

Labour can be emotional.

Women may cry, become frustrated or feel overwhelmed at times.

These responses are normal.

Instead of trying to stop the emotion, offer reassurance and support.

"Maybe You Can't Do This"

Even when said jokingly, comments like this can undermine confidence.

One of the most valuable things a birth partner can provide is belief.

Your confidence in her matters.

What Should Birth Partners Say Instead?

Simple phrases often work best:

• "You're doing amazingly."

• "Your body knows what to do."

• "I'm right here."

• "You're safe."

• "One breath at a time."

Remember: Your Presence Matters Most

You don't need a script.

You don't need perfect words.

The most important thing is showing up, staying calm and offering reassurance.

Many women won't remember every conversation during labour.

But they will remember how supported they felt.

That's why preparing together before birth can make such a difference.

When birth partners understand labour and feel confident in their role, everyone benefits.